Feisal is going to the Bridge today at 9:30 AM

Hi guys.  I'm letting MomKatt speak today.  It's a sad day at our house.

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Hi all,

I am taking Feisal to Dr. Lofgren this morning at 9:30 to help him on his trip to The Bridge.  It's been a very hard week for us, and this has been a very hard decision.  Gary & I are both devastated but we know it's the right thing to do.  I've only told a very few people prior to today, so please forgive me if some of the following two paragraphs are familiar to you.  Most of you don't know the latest.

Simply put, we've run out of options.  We fought, and we've lost.  As of Tues., he was on the new chemo-type med for two weeks, and Dr. Lofgren had told me when he prescribed it for him to call & update him at that point as to whether it had had any positive effect on his poops or anything and ... it hasn't made any difference.  If anything, he looks worse and he acts as if he feels worse.  His hip bones are sticking out, though he's eating everything I give him, and I'm willing to bet he's down from the 7 lb mark he was at two weeks ago.  He is finding it very hard to sit down comfortably and watching him "go" just tears my heart out.  It LOOKS painful.

Dr. L says the longer this goes on, the more he's convinced we're dealing with intestinal lymphoma and not IBS.  But Feisal's father (Parvenu) had it & was put to sleep at age four (he strained himself so hard his colon popped out, so Mike immediately took him to the vet to be euthanized because, at that point, she realized there was nothing that could be done to help him.)  Feisal's already outlived Parvenu by 6 years & I don't want something similar to happen to him.  It's not the quality of life my boy deserves, nor the one I want for him any longer than necessary.   We've had 10 good years together and I have to be happy with that.  And I am ... but you always want more.

So, at 9:30 this morning, please spare a thought and some purrs for us both.  My girlfriend, Jo Vereen, is meeting me at Dr. L's (Gary, my husband, can't go - he's so swamped at work he just can't) so I don't have to do this by myself.  I've promised that Feisal will say hello to all your Bridge kitties and, of course, I know Torrie & Kukla are up there waiting for him.

Thank you for all your support throughout this, your Emails, thoughts, prayers, purrs, etc.

I know how generous everyone is in these cases and, if you are so moved that you want to do something in his memory, a donation to Siamese Rescue would be a nice thing to do.

The lines of my favorite W. H. Auden poem keep running through my head this morning:

"He was my North, my South, my East and West,

My working week and my Sunday rest,

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;

I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;

Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.

For nothing now can ever come to any good."

He had a good night last night, he got some of his favorite Wilderness Chicken gooshy food this morning and he's getting a LOT of love nearly every minute otherwise.  His Aunt Stacey came by last night to say goodbye (thank you again, Stacey), and ... his voyage with the Ferryman will be as gentle and easy as I and Dr. L can make it.

Safe journey, my Wild Man.  I'll be there with you 'til the last bloody minute, my hand on your body, my voice in your ear, my scent surrounding you.  I love you so much.